We will not sell the information we collect from your dreamworld to anyone outside our organization. By listening to New Albion you have agreed to open your unconscious to our emissaries, and we take this responsibility very seriously. We enjoy picnicking and rummaging about you inner consciousness enormously and jimmying open tiny little doorways and erecting haphazard bridges (which, let’s face it, are more like long wooden boards placed precariously over a yawning chasm) and we would never, ever dream of selling this to any third party advertisers.
Even your erotic dreams are safe with us, you kinky little ho, you. We’ve seen the weird sex things you come up with in your sleep and trust us, we do not want to even speak some of that stuff out loud, you beautiful and sick train wreck of a human psyche, you. We’re not touching that stuff with a ten foot pole. Except Dave. He digs it. We kink shame him for it, but he doesn’t care. Next time you’re getting all hot and bothered in your sleep, don’t worry, the only one watching is Dave and he’s getting off on that sick crap.
Your insane subconscious inner workings are very valuable to us and we promise we will protect it like it’s our own private clubhouse, which, frankly, it is. We cosplay as your childhood cartoon favorites and go on LARPing quests to bitchslap your inner demons. And those demons are nasty. We all do sincerely believe that you would benefit greatly from therapy, but we’re never going to tell you that since we are having way too much fun. We thought that D&D campaign where you have to go after the Spider Queen in her messed up death labyrinth was cool and intense, but then we starting hanging out in your inner psyche and… HO DAMN. How do you make it through your day? You probably have incredible barriers and mental defense mechanisms keeping that garbage fire bottled way down there. As well you should. As well you should.
So, basically, don’t worry about us. We’re not selling you to anyone. We’re keeping you all to ourselves. We love you, you incredible walking shitstorm, you.
Love,
The Teddy Bears.
Let's connect! Here is where you can find me:
It is good to know my dreamworld is in such safe hands
except dave of course
Dave is the one we should be thanking most of all
In whatever way we can
OwO
now i can rest with ease, thank you my ursine friends
I knew it was right not to trust the Teddy Bears. Dammit Dave!
thank u teddy bears for making my subconsciousness a better place. also tell dave that he’s more than welcome to join in any time he wants
Holy shit, this is glorious
I’m just gonna…
Not sleep for a couple million years.
No problem, it’s gonna be easy!
Now i feel safe knowing google wont pop up ads about my fantasies. Thanm you Teddy Bears *hugs them*
Thank you. This means a lot.