{"id":3171,"date":"2012-05-28T18:29:20","date_gmt":"2012-05-28T18:29:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/steampunkopera.wordpress.com\/?p=3171"},"modified":"2012-05-28T18:29:20","modified_gmt":"2012-05-28T18:29:20","slug":"finding-my-birth-father-pt-1-of-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paulshapera.com\/temp\/finding-my-birth-father-pt-1-of-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding My Birth Father Pt.1 of 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

I do not post personal topics on this blog, nor will i be making a habit of it in the future. But i got a… let’s say call today. In Vancouver, Canada a man is dying and his time left could be measured in hours. A day? Two days? There is no question it is the end. Thus today i am going to tell you a little story.<\/p>\n

\n

A Little Story:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am adopted.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m putting together some of the e-mail threads from the period in which I made contact with my natural, paternal family. These were originally e-mails sent to several of my friends or the parties involved as events were unfolding,This occurred just a few years ago.<\/p>\n

PART 1 (email to friends)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hey Folks,<\/p>\n

A week and a half ago i called Gaile (my birth mother who i met when i was 20)<\/em>\u00a0for\u00a0the first\u00a0time in years. we talked\u00a0for\u00a03 hours and in the course of\u00a0conversation i found out that my father\u2019s name isn\u2019t in fact Jacques\u00a0Craig, as i have believed since meeting her, but actually\u00a0Jock Craig, and he lived in Aspen where he owned a ski shop back in\u00a0\u201968.<\/p>\n

I google \u201cjock c- aspen\u201d and this is what came up:<\/p>\n

Jock C-
\nMy brother Jock was born in N.Vancouver, BC April 28,1936. His last
\nknow address was in Aspen, CO in 1968. He liked to ski, fly and sail.
\nHe was seen in the Mediterranean 1978. Have not heard of any other
\nJock sightings since then. If you have any information please contact
\nme at my e-mail address. Thank you, Patricia S-
\nCity: F\u2014\u2013,VA
\nEmail:\u00a0\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/a>
\nEntry #3940 added on March 29, 1997<\/p>\n

I e-mailed her. No answer. I was leaving the next day for Europe where Maja and i were having a vacation which would end with us getting married in Belgrade. So i wrote her an actual, physical letter and sent it by post 10\u00a0minutes before boarding the Super Shuttle to head off to our first stop in Barcelona.<\/p>\n

Days later, in Barcelona, i checked my e-mail.<\/p>\n

Dear Paul,<\/p>\n

I was delighted, shocked, surprised, overcome and most of all grateful\u00a0for\u00a0your letter that arrived in my mail box just a few minutes ago. \u00a0The sun is\u00a0truly shining\u00a0for\u00a0me today.<\/p>\n

Yes Jock is my brother and I would be happy to share anything I can with you\u00a0regarding him.<\/p>\n

No I have not been able to find him nor have I had any information on him in\u00a0many years. \u00a0I thought I had found him in \u00a0Italy once but it turned out to\u00a0be a dead end eventually. \u00a0I am in contact \u00a0with my nephew (Jock\u2019s son ) We
\ne-mail and talk on the phone often ..He is now grown and looks like Jock and\u00a0has that same old charm and blarney. \u00a0He is a wonderful young man and it is\u00a0for\u00a0him that I have looked over the years also\u00a0for\u00a0my mother who lived with\u00a0us until she died four years ago. \u00a0She never gave up hope that we would find\u00a0him. \u00a0I had to turn it over to Spirit and accept that if I was ever to know\u00a0him or of him it would be in God\u2019s hands\u2026.And so it is\u2026\u2026..<\/p>\n

I thank you\u00a0for\u00a0writing to me and look forward to hearing from you anytime.<\/p>\n

Blessings love and light,<\/p>\n

Patricia S\u2014 (Patsy)<\/p>\n

So i wrote back, not saying very much and telling her i would write her in length in a day or two (we were travelling around Europe) Patsy sent another email with a photo:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I wrote her back\u00a0and told her who i was. I told her that her brother had impregnated a woman years ago and when she told him she was pregnant he told her he was actually married and never, ever to call him again.\u00a0(note: the actual quote he said is “If you ever call me again i’ll get 18 guys to swear on a witness stand they all had sex with you.”)\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I told her how i found her and a bit about me. We met shortly after and have stayed in touched ever since. She is a wonderful, wonderful person and i have grown to love her like family. Her brother however, remained missing.<\/p>\n

PART 2 (email to friends 18 months later. Birth father surfaces)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hey Everyone:<\/p>\n

So.<\/p>\n

So y\u2019all kinda remember that whole business involving tracking down my aunt on my\u00a0father\u2018s side 18 months ago just before my wedding?<\/p>\n

Well. So a week ago i get an e-mail from my Aunt Patsy:<\/p>\n

\u201d hi I found my brother and he is going to send his health history for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

A rather short statement that rocked my world.<\/p>\n

So i called her. Through a long and involved story, she had tracked down a name,\u00a0 John C-, to\u00a0 Vancouver. She called the number and asked for John C-.<\/p>\n

The man on the other end replied that there was no one there with that name. She then asked if his name was John Gwynne Craig, and explained that he had the same name as her long lost brother who she had been searching for for decades. Since the full name was a bit rare, she thought that maybe he could be him, but if not, she was sorry to bother him, it\u2019s just that she\u2019d been searching for so long.<\/p>\n

There was a long pause. Then he said \u201cHi Patsy.\u201d<\/p>\n

They talked for a bit, but not too long, as it was a bit difficult for each of them. He, as it turned out, had been in the Orient most of this time, Captaining various ships around the region. He had lived in Singapore for a bit, Bahrain, maybe the Phillipines, i myself didn\u2019t catch everything as my brain was a bit overwhelmed. He had in this time been married, for 20 years, although his wife was dead now. He had had Tuberculosis but had beaten it, and recently some kind of liver cancer which he had also beaten. He said the Teberculosis was from smoking insane amounts of cigarettes during the long night hauls on the freighters.<\/p>\n

She asked him if he knew he had 2 sons.<\/p>\n

He told her he only had one, T, who he of course remembered from long ago.<\/p>\n

She asked him if he remembered a woman named Gaile, and told him that he had in fact impregnated this woman, and she had given birth to a son named Paul, who was raised by a family in Pittsburgh and had turned out quite well.<\/p>\n

He told her he lived with a great, great burden of guilt and shame.<\/p>\n

She told him maybe it was time to let it go and start healing. They ended the conversation there.<\/p>\n

She said she forgot to give him her number, and he hadn\u2019t asked (although whether from forgetfulness or purpose she couldn\u2019t say)<\/p>\n

She said she told him that I and my wife were planning on having a child and that we could use a health history. He promised to get her one.<\/p>\n

And that was that. We talked for a good long time afterwards and i was left wandering about my apartment, smoking until i collapsed.<\/p>\n

PART 3 (letter to birth father)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hi,<\/p>\n

This is Paul Shapera.<\/p>\n

Apparently, i am blood of your blood. More to the point, i\u2019m your, uh, son. This is a really strange situation in which to write, but what the hell, this chance doesn\u2019t really come around all that often, so here it goes.<\/p>\n

I guess if i\u2019ve always planned, or thought that if i ever got the chance to say anything, it would in a nutshell be THANK YOU.<\/p>\n

Which seems a weird thing to say, except that, well, when you\u2019re adopted, you pretty much know from the get go that there were extenuating circumstances surrounding your birth (i was never sat down and \u201ctold one day\u201d i was adopted. my mother would tell me as a baby that i was adopted but that she was mother now, before i could even speak or understand language, so i\u2019ve just simply always known). So you also know that it was a bit of an accident that you\u2019re here, but then most things in life are strange \u201caccidents\u201d, but that doesn\u2019t make them any less profound. I was brought up just fine, with a loving family and the usual ups and down, so i\u2019ve never suffered for lack of anything important.<\/p>\n

So pretty much i\u2019m just glad to be here. What might have been a whole strange situation back then for the parties involved, to ME is actually the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me here, and i REALLY, REALLY am glad to be here. So whatever whims of fate brought it to pass are fantastic in my book, and mostly, i\u2019m just extremely thankful. I really love life, all the ups and downs and everything. You, your genes, hell, even the exact moment of conception, all these things are crucial factors that led to me being me, and i\u2019m grateful for it all.<\/p>\n

What makes being adopted interesting, is that you know there\u2019s a bit of story, some drama, that surrounds the circumstances of your conception, and of course, the great mystery of who it was who brought you here, and what your blood history is. Stuff like what nationality you are is a great mystery.<\/p>\n

I met Gaile when i was about 20, so a lot of stuff got answered then, and i was delighted to know. Any weirdness surrounding the circumstances is to me a wonderful story. Like i said, i\u2019ve always known there had to be some unforseen drama since otherwise i wouldn\u2019t have been adopted. This is something i got used to so long ago, there\u2019s really nothing there left to \u201cdeal with\u201d. Any filling in of the story is just a gift. And since i\u2019m really happy with who i am, none of it bothers me in the least.<\/p>\n

So\u2026 one just wonders who both birth parents were and what their stories are. I know i share some of your traits, both physical and behavioral, i just don\u2019t know exactly what they are yet. You\u2019ve lived a long life and i\u2019m curious as to what all has happened in it. Anything at all is incredible information to me, the good, the bad, the triumphs, the tragedies, the likes, the dislikes, any of it at all, as little or as much is all wonderful to me.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how much to share about myself, and one of my biggest worries is that i\u2019m going to scare you off, since this is a very strange situation and could potentially be overwhelming. I don\u2019t know anybody else who has been here to use as a yardstick as to how to do this.<\/p>\n

So the biggest thing i would want to get across is that I am just simply grateful as to even have the opportunity to write this e-mail and know that it will be read. And if this is all that occurs, it will have been more then i ever expected or asked for.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a musician. I compose and produce music, as you know. I play piano, and love to sit and play and sing. LOVE to sing. I\u2019m married. My wife is from Serbia. We got married twice. The first time we were friends and got married for a passport. We ended up together, and after about 7 years decided to marry again in a church for real.<\/p>\n

I read a LOT. This i got from my adopted mother, who\u2019s a librarian. She would bring home piles of books every day and this gave me a deep love of reading that i never got over.<\/p>\n

I was a bit indulgent in my 20s but this faded as i got into my 30s. I have fortunately never developed any truly bad habits or addictions (although i smoke, but only at night. however i do love to smoke a bit more than i want to give it up, but maybe in time\u2026). I have a small tendency for avoidance and can be a little passive aggressive, but also as i\u2019ve gotten older this has become better. (having a serbian wife has also helped a lot)<\/p>\n

I move around a LOT, although i ended up in new york for WAY longer than i ever intended. \u00a0I used to travel around the country in an SUV i had during the 90s a whole bunch and i miss that. Once we get to europe we\u2019ll be buying a car and i can\u2019t WAIT. I love to drive and i especially love to travel.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m REALLY glad to finally be getting out of NY. I want to be someplace less insanely urban very badly. I miss nature a LOT. We\u2019ll see how eastern europe treats me, but i\u2019m excited to be making another move.I have a LOT of energy and have always had a lot of energy. I REALLY enjoy walking, can keep it up forever, and have a very strong metabolism. I have thus far never looked even close to my age. This despite a bit of overindulgence in my 20s.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s about all i think of. This e-mail has gone on for way longer than i intended, but like i said, if i only get one chance\u2026.<\/p>\n

So i\u2019m going to bring it to a close here. To recap, i\u2019m EXCEPTIONALLY delighted to have this opportunity simply just say hi and thank you for bringing me here. I would love to know any stories you might have about your life, anything at all, but there is no pressure in the slightest. Like i said, i\u2019m just really happy to know that you exist and to have met Patsy, and to just simply know more than i did before.<\/p>\n

Ah, bloody hell, might as well just send this off before i start re-examining and over-thinking it.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0 wish you nothing but incredible amounts of happiness and peace.<\/p>\n

Best,<\/p>\n

-Paul.<\/p>\n

PART 4 (father replies)<\/strong><\/p>\n

After sending it, later that night, i became absolutely tortured with the idea that i had fucked everything up. Had made fool of myself. Had handled it totally wrong. The truth is i wrote sincerely and honestly, but this of course left me totally exposed and i had a horrendous night.<\/p>\n

Today, mid afternoon, i received a reply.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
Hi Paul<\/div>\n
Thank-you for the nice letter Paul.I couldn\u2019t stop from wondering,<\/div>\n
how similar we seem,and for good or bad.I have always had a<\/div>\n
adventuress spirit that has lead me through some 84 countries<\/div>\n
around the world.Its in our blood and in my\u00a0father\u00a0be for me.Oh we<\/div>\n
have so much talk about.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Patsy mention that you might be going over Ireland sometime in the<\/div>\n
future to find our roots,I never did!something I have wanted to do<\/div>\n
I would start where our andcrestry walked though the mountains of<\/div>\n
Mourne and where my\u00a0father\u00a0left catch at its peek.Its apparent we<\/div>\n
have the same genes in our blood.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Paul:\u00a0\u00a0 we have a medical condition that only ocure on the male<\/div>\n
side .This is called Heamatoeclouse and in my case I am missing<\/div>\n
a Y.. chromosome this is just a pointer and not and not a problem,<\/div>\n
I only found out five yrs. ago this causes a build up of to much<\/div>\n
iron in the blood\u2026not to worry Paul.Its no big deal and a simple<\/div>\n
blood test.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So nice to get your email,It would that we are on the same page<\/div>\n
.With very kind regards to your wife, I remain your father.<\/div>\n
Love J<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

PART 5<\/strong><\/p>\n

So we arranged to meet. I was moving to Europe in 2 weeks so the time frame to do with was limited. I bought a ticket to Vancouver for the following weekend.<\/p>\n

PART 6 (email to friends the night before leaving to meet father for the first time)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hi guys.<\/p>\n

I sit here now, on the eve of my journey to Vancouver, to meet John-Gwynne Craig, bring a life long quest to a conclusion, and see and talk to the man who brought me into this life.<\/p>\n

Obviously, this e-mail thread will have one last chapter to be written at the conclusion of this weekend, which, writing here and now, seems a lifetime away.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m terrified, excited, sometimes strangely calm and sometimes on the verge of tears.<\/p>\n

But i want to take a preparatory e-mail before the big finale (and hopefully beginning of a new era) and thank you all. Mostly for 2 things.<\/p>\n

Writing these threads as this has all been happening has been extremely cathartic and very helpful in helping me to emotionally digest this drama as it\u2019s unfolded.<\/p>\n

You are also the people i love most in this world, and i have never felt with such deepness the importance, the almost sublime\u2026. sacredness of these connections as i do now.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m so\u2026.<\/p>\n

i don\u2019t know how i\u2019m going to go through with this, other than i\u2019m just simply going to get up in an hour, get on a train, get on a plane, just simply keep putting one foot in front of the other until i arrive at some cafe in Vancouver where a man will look at me and probably say my name.<\/p>\n

After that it\u2019s all a whole new world.<\/p>\n

So\u2026 i guess thank you for being here for me, i love you so much i could cry, and see you on the other side.<\/p>\n

…………….<\/p>\n

TO BE CONCLUDED TOMORROW<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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